


The Great Garden Hot Dog Revolt

by Anthropos_Metron



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Start a Protest Get a Date, Trepies - Freeform, hot dogs, student protest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 12:22:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17580764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anthropos_Metron/pseuds/Anthropos_Metron
Summary: Mass student disorder in Garden, the unexpected divisiveness of Trepiedom, and the philosophical, personal and political implications of hot dog supply and demand.Just another day in the life of two-thirds of the Disciplinary Committee.Crack, one-shot, just before game start.





	The Great Garden Hot Dog Revolt

**Author's Note:**

> Standard disclaimers, these aren't my characters, I'm not making any IP claim and this isn't being done for commercial purposes. I'm just playing around with the characters because I love Final Fantasy 8 and writing.

It had been a very good day.

Though Seifer was away training in the hills with some of his fellow classmen who were due to take their SeeD field courses, like that weird emo kid, their application of the rules had not in any way dipped. Indeed, without Seifer present they had if anything overcompensated for fear of the lash of rebuke when he returned. They had punished littering, loitering, and generally maintained order in the Garden, as well as confiscating a lurid paperback publication thinly masquerading as a romance novel called _My Boyfriend, the Sorceress’ Knight_.

Raijin was resting against the dividing wall between the thoroughfare in the lobby and the outside pools of water, drinking a can of soda, while Fujin perched on top of the divider, her legs some way off the ground, merrily swinging backwards and forwards.

“Ahhhh, hoooo, life is good,” Raijin observed, between sips. “Law, order, and conformity. We’re gonna make Seifer proud when he gets back, ya know!”

“SATISFACTION.”

“Yah, a job well done. We’ve demonstrated how responsible we are, ya know!”

“FLAWLESS.”

“Yeah, this might just be the most disciplined I’ve ever seen the Garden, ya know!”

Fujin didn’t answer. Her gaze was utterly locked on a familiar, bespectacled face which had appeared in view at the far side of the lobby. Eventually, Quistis disappeared into the lobby’s central elevator.

Her legs swinging more rapidly, Fujin locked the fingers of both her hands together, drew them out far from her body, and then planted her bound hands on the left side of her chest, and sighed.

“LOVE!”

“Whhu-whu-what? I wasn’t payin’ attention, ya know.”

“EYES???”

“I aint in the role to ogle girls, ya know! It’s like, not in keeping with the ethos of the disciplinary committee. We need to be setting higher standards, ya know!”

“ORIENTATION.”

“C’mon, I’ve told you before, I’m not hot for the guys! Just ‘cos I’m a slave to the gym, and I take care of how I look, and I like butterflies, it don’t mean nothin’, ya know!”

“SCEPTICAL.”

“It’s easier for you to check out girls, ya know! You’re like, five foot three, absolutely tiny, and nobody would ever feel threatened by ya, so-“

“RAGE!!!”

Fujin bounced down off the dividing wall, her temper piqued, and vigorously hit Raijin’s shin with her boot.

“ _Owwwww_! C’mon, this has gone way too far, this is victimisation, ya know! I’m gonna have to report this, it’s too much! If I end up having to have my leg in plaster, and the whole regime of rules in the Garden colla- “

Deep in argument, all they noticed as it zipped past was a blur in their peripheral vision.

_Whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrvroom_

They both turned, but it – whatever it was – had already zoomed past.

They stared at each other for whole seconds, their mouths agape.

“Wha-wha-what was that, ya know?”

“TRANSPORT?”

“Yah, it looked like some form of scooter. Or a hoverboard!”

“INFRACTION!”

“Yah, or worse! Maybe they’re using it for criminality!”

“CONSPIRACY!”

“Yah, the works! This could be the beginning of the end, ya know! Oh man, if the big one kicks off while Seifer is away, he’ll blame us!”

“UNACCEPTABLE.”

“Yah, completely. We need to get on top of this, ASAP!”

“PURSUIT!”

“Looked to me like they were headed towards the cafeteria!”

“AGREED.”

“Let’s run after them, ya know!”

They nodded to each other knowingly, and began running, hot on the tail of rule-breakers.

***

Given he was a flat eighteenth and last place in the cafeteria queue, and holding the T-board quite brazenly, the perpetrator of the infraction was apprehended with relative ease.

Raijin clapped a hand firmly onto Zell Dincht’s shoulder.

“WAAAAAAAA!” Zell bellowed, as he turned around. “Oh, it’s only you guys. How ya doin’?”

“No time for chit-chat, we’re, like, totally here to confiscate your T-board, ya know! Using it inside Garden is totally a violation of the rules. You’re getting the full weight of the disciplinary committee thrown on ya, ya know!”

Fujin glared up at Zell with intent out of her one good eye, 5’3 in height, but ten feet in authority.

Zell bristled. “Man, this is BULLCRAP! The only reason I was usin’ it was to get here promptly for the afternoon food service! You have to get here quick otherwise the hot dogs are gone, dead gone, and I STILL lost out, AND got into trouble! They’re ruining me!”

“That’s, ya know, not our problem, you’ve got to respect the rules, how the cafeteria is run isn’t up to us, ya know!”

Zell sniffed derisively. “Shudda expected you two wouldn’t do jack with Seifer away. And you’d never HELP the student body on a problem. No way, you’d rather mash our faces into the dirt! Ya’ll are just tools of THE MAN!”

“Hey man, that’s not true, ya know! We’re up for helpin’! And we’ve been doing great! We don’t need Seifer around all the time! We can handle things, ya know!”

“AFFIRMATIVE.”

Zell jumped backwards and into a defiant posture. “Well, you gotta do what’s right, then, and no pussyfootin’ around! They’re creatin’ disorder here! Last week there was nearly a fight because of how few hot dogs there were! I’ve seen it again and again! It’s like they’re deliberately TRYIN’ to bring down the Garden by not feeding us properly! The hot dog situation is creatin’ CHAOS! You gotta do somethin’! You gotta maintain discipline in Garden and take on the cafeteria establishment!”

“Ya think they’re tryin’ to create disorder deliberately, ya know?”

“’Course they are! They’re PROFITEERS, man! They don’t care about us saps, dukin’ it out for the hot dogs between ourselves, like wolves! All they care about is demand management, so they can rake in the loot! They know that if they undersupply the hot dogs, everyone will come rushin’ the cafeteria, and if there’s no hot dogs, people will clear out whatever’s left! And they can push up the prices too! These hot dogs are becomin’ like pure GOLD!”

“Man, this is _bad_ ,” Raijin muttered. He turned to Fujin. “Maybe we should check this out, ya know? I’m sure Seifer would want to put a stop to all this hot dog feudin’.”

“AGREED.”

They left Zell holding his board, and jogged straight up to the counter. Ignoring the tutting and complaints of the students at the front of the line, Raijin hailed the server.

“Hey! We’re, like, the disciplinary committee, ya know, and we’re investigating the hot dog situation-“

The server looked at him with depthless disdain, before, without preamble and without pause, speaking in a flat monotone, thusly:

“Please take your designated place in the queue. Due to demand, the cafeteria relies on students keeping good order while waiting for their food. If you enjoy our hot dogs, please ensure you arrive early to avoid disappointment. Next.”

She then returned to dealing with the students at the front of the line.

Raijin and Fujin looked at each other.

“Wa, what do I do now, ya know?”

“ASSERT!”

“I dunno, ya know, I –“

“ULTIMATUM!”

“Well… yah, maybe you’re right..”

“SEIFER!”

“Yeah, Seifer wouldn’t want this to slide, he wouldn’t want people disrespecting the authority of the committee, ya know!”

“ _We’re NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"_ Zell bellowed from the back of the queue, his hands cupped around his mouth.

Raijin looked back at him. “Yeah, yeah, we gotta lay down the law here!”

Raijin turned to the server again, laying his hand firmly on the counter and assuming a tough guy posture.

“Look, we’re not messin’ around here, ya know, we want some answers, we want some-“

The cafeteria worker simply looked at him, her expression unchanged, one of blistering, total contempt. The kind of contempt which only someone in their fifties who has worked in a public-facing job all their life can muster.

“Please take your designated place in the queue. Due to demand –“

“Right, this is it, ya know, this is it, we’re takin’ it to a higher authority, ya know-“

“Sir, if you create a public disturbance we will be forced to summon the disciplinary committee to remove you.”

“We ARE the committee, ya know!! Have ya even been listening to anything we’ve been sayin’??”

“OUTRAGE!”

Raijin turned to Fujin. “This aint gettin’ us anywhere, we’re just hittin’ a brick wall, ya know, we gotta take this to administration!”

“HEADMASTER!”

“Yeah, yeah, we gotta go and demand to see him! Where the buck stops, ya know!”

“CONCUR!”

They jogged over to Zell.

“Zell, ya comin’ with us, man? We’re goin’ to take this to the top! The cafeteria has disrespected us all along the line, ya know? We think we’ve got a fifth column here, ya know!”

“DISGRACE!”

Zell did a little dance, swaying from side to side. “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAHHHH! Count me in, in, INNN! It’s about time someone took some direct action! I’m with ya, I’m with ya all the way, see ya outside the main elevator guys!”

Fujin and Raijin nodded to each other, and ran off, as Zell mounted his stationary board, the better for height. When he was standing above the head height of the line, he began his address.

“Listen everyone, listen! If ya’ll are fed up with the RATIONING of hot dogs in this cafeteria, then meet us outside the main elevator! There’s a protest startin’, a line bein’ drawn in the sand, and this is where we force all our demands. Don’t get mad anymore, get EVEN! THE STUDENTS DEMAND THE FALL OF THE CAFETERIA REGIME!!!”

As Zell jumped off the board, a murmur of agreement went up, and students began filing out of the cafeteria. They’d felt the same way for years, and in any case, whatever happened, this was bound to be _exciting_.

Zell danced, before forcing his fist down towards the ground.

“OHHHH YEEEAAAAH! Gonna bring the mutha DOWN!!!!”

As he left and the cafeteria cleared, the cafeteria workers looked on without emotion. This simply meant more food for them to take home at closing time.

***

Xu approached the headmaster’s office, and gently wrapped on the closed door with her knuckles, thrice.

There was no answer, though Xu could hear the murmuring of him talking on the phone. Doubtless he did not want to be disturbed, though this was an emergency situation, requiring his full attention. She knocked again.

Still no answer. She decided to enter. This could not wait.

Cid looked up at her from behind his desk, grimacing, with the receiver of the phone pressed to his ear.

“I’m sorry for the interruption, sir, but about two hundred students have gathered in the lobby. I think there’s going to be a riot, sir. They’re demanding to speak with you.”

Cid grasped the gravity of the situation immediately, and made his excuses, and put the phone down. This could be deadly serious.

“What’s the cause of it, Xu? Is it political? Is it about the occupation of Timber? Galbadia threatening Dollet?” His mind raced about what could possibly be the cause. “Oh, Hyne, it’s not because something’s happened to one of the students, is it? Has one of them been injured? _Killed_?”

“Uh, no, sir. No, it’s nothing like that. It’s all about hot dogs.”

“ _Hot dogs?_ Are you serious?”

“Yes, sir, I’m afraid so.”

Cid’s mouth dropped open. He was flabbergasted. In his day, students had rioted about matters of consequence; civil rights, war, political oppression, equality. And here he was being told that the first riot in Garden’s history was a bite bug’s wing away from starting, and the trigger would be a steamed and processed meat product. Had the students lost their minds?

“ _Hot dogs?_ ” he repeated.

“Uh, yes sir. It appears that there was some kind of altercation in the cafeteria, and the students are demanding a massive increase in the availability of hot dogs.”

Cid began scrambling to clear papers, and to make himself presentable enough to address the two hundred strong mob which wanted his blood, because of hot dog availability.

“Didn’t the disciplinary committee head it off??”

“I, uh, they’re the ringleaders, sir.”

Cid sunk back into his chair. “Oh, _Hyne_.”

“They’re demanding to speak with you, together with a student who calls himself the head of the-“ - she looked down at her notes - “- the ‘Chair of the Committee for Cafeteria Reform’.”

“ _Reform committee_? Oh, we’re finished!”

“Sir, we need you now, we need you to speak to the students before it gets ugly!”

Cid got up again. “Yes, yes, of course, Xu, I forgot myself. We need to get a grip on this immediately. And get Quistis! We need all hands on deck!”

***

Cid, Xu, and Quistis stepped out of the elevator and onto the ground floor, and Cid surveyed the massed ranks of student protestors who spread out over the lobby.

He saw some recognisable faces; the Free Galbadia society, the Free Timber society, the hardcore of malcontents, but most of them were not composed of dedicated agitators. Most of the mob appeared to be constituted by girls huddled together in threes, making V-signs while having their pictures taken, and students who appeared to be using the gathering mostly as an excuse to fraternise with their love interests. There was also one kid who appeared to be selling something out of a rucksack. The din of noise was intense, however, and political chants mingled with a wave of chatter.

Cid stepped forward, and began waving his arms to implore to be heard. After some time, the noise subsided, though there were some scattered shouts.

“Students of Balamb! I have come to listen to your grievances. I shall talk with your leaders. Allow us time to confer.”

The din rose again. Cid walked forward. He recognised Raijin and Fujin, but he had no idea who the other boy was, who stood forward with them at the bottom of the steps.

“ _Who’s the kid with the tats and spiky hair?_ ” he whispered to Quistis, as they advanced.

“ _Zell, sir, Zell Dincht_.”

He addressed Fujin and Raijin first, while Quistis and Xu talked to Dincht.

“What in all the heavens is going on here, you two?”

“Well, uh, we just came here to speak to ya, sir, about a situation in the cafeteria, but then suddenly all these students started gathering. But I think we’ve got it all under control, ya know.”

“STABALISED.”

“ _Under control?_ I was told there was going be a riot! About hot dogs, for Hyne’s sake! Did someone put you up to this? Was it Seifer?”

“Uh, no sir, ya know, we just wanted to say that we thought the situation in the cafeteria was contributing to disorder, ya know. They’re a law unto themselves, ya know.”

“DEMANDS!”

Cid’s eyes narrowed. “I see, I see. Well, you let me talk to Mr. Dincht.”

Cid went over to Zell, and patted him on the shoulder.

“Zell, m’boy! I’ve been told all about the situation in the cafeteria. Leave it all with me. I’ll whip the situation into shape in no time.”

“’Course, sir, b-“

“Hot dogs eh? You need your nutrition. I take this matter extremely seriously. This matter will be dealt with at the highest level of Garden. Leave it with me,” he said, and began walking back up the stairs immediately. Zell made to splutter some more remarks, but Cid was already ascending the stairs.

At the top of the stairs, Cid again waved his hands, and then began to speak.

“Students! I have talked with your leaders at length about the situation in the cafeteria. I am pleased this has been brought to my attention. Be assured, I will see that there is change in respect of hot dog supply.”

There was extensive cheering, and it was palpable that the head of steam in the protest had diminished.

“I would like to also say some concluding remarks. I wish Garden to be a family, and trust that you feel the same. However, I ask you to think about what may happen to the image of Garden with protests. Think about what your parents, your families, and loved ones would think.”

Those who were heavily dependent on their allowances began to slowly disperse.

“We do not wish to introduce anything draconian, by introducing random searches of dorms, for instance.”

The kid with the rucksack began to furtively wander away.

“Given the unusual nature of this lapse in discipline, no-one will be punished for what has transpired this afternoon.”

The final hardcore of protestors, who had been hoping that getting into serious trouble would give them enhanced allure with prospective boyfriends and girlfriends, began to cart away their placards and sacks of leaflets.

Soon it was mostly just Fujin, Raijin, and Zell, standing at the bottom of the stairs. Revolution averted, Cid turned to head back into the elevator.

“Quistis, I take it you and the… disciplinary committee will be able to take it from here,” he muttered.

Xu trotted with Cid back into the elevator. When the doors closed, Cid began shaking his head.

“Dammit! This is meant to be a military academy. We have a great destiny ahead of us. We can’t run the Garden by committee, by mob rule! Everything would break down. Students demanding they be allowed to stuff their face with fast food? Never! There can’t be any change in the cafeteria. None. This is my decree. If we cave on this, what’s next? Peace, love, and let’s be friends with the Moogles? Let’s disband Garden? Xu, I can assure you of one thing: not while I am alive.”

“Couldn’t we at least, y’know, look at how the cafeteria is run?” Xu asked, tentatively. But the headmaster, staring straight ahead, offered no immediate reply.

Finally, he spoke.

“History will vindicate me,” said Cid Kramer, man of destiny.

***

Zell gave a long, low, sigh, as he stood amongst the largely deserted lobby.

“Oh, man. I’ve never felt so low. Hot dogs-for-all was within our reach, but we couldn’t grasp it! This is a black day for Garden. I failed, I failed BIG time! Oh Dincht, yer a pitiful figure right now. But one day, ONE DAY, the cafeteria will be stocked with all the hot dogs the students can eat. Sheeeeeeee!”

He shadow-boxed the air.

“I’m taking my sorry behind back to Balamb! It’s over. It’s all over. I’m done for today.” He picked up his board, and slowly walked out of the building, his head looking down at the floor.

Fujin and Raijin, the surviving remnant of the Great Hot Dog Revolt, stood alone, looking at Quistis. Fujin’s head was bowed.

“Honestly, you two, I’m surprised,” Quistis declared. “Getting yourself mixed up in this kind of disorder? It’s so unlike you both. I certainly hope we won’t see a repeat. Particularly you, Fujin, I never thought I’d see you making demands to the headmaster. Though it was rather, hm -” - Quistis stroked her neck, delicately with her fingers -“- rather, refreshing to see you as a tough-talking rebel who played by her own rules.”

“ASHAMED!”

“Well… maybe you can earn some fresh credit with the administration. There’s a secret area at the back of the training area where students have been hanging out after curfew. Meet me there at 21:00, tonight, sharp, you understand?”

“OBEY!”

“Good. See you then,” Quistis said, quietly, and wandered off.

Fujin and Raijin said nothing to each other.

Fujin’s lip began to wobble. Not only had she become swept up in public disorder, she had earned the scorn of Quistis. Her disgrace was complete. Likely Quistis would never forgive her. Goodness only knows what Seifer would say.

“Well, I mean… ya know,” Raijin eventually said, softly.

Fujin kicked him on the shin.

“ _Owwwwwww_! What was that for, ya know? I’m as much a casualty of the situation as you!”

“EMBARRASMENT!”

“You’re hurtin’ me, ya know. You’re hurtin' me. My mighty heart is crackin’. It’s all too much, ya know.”

“MISERY!”

“I know, I know,” Raijin bleated. “And all because that T-board sped past u-“

They looked at each other, frozen, in the realisation.

“WE GOTTA SEIZE THAT BOARD YA KNOW!”

“ALACRITY!”

They nodded at each other, quickly, before running out of the building.

“Hey Zell man, wait up, ya know!”


End file.
